a touch of humanity

2/27/2019 This blog is going up for a total revamp! The new focus is going to be on self-improvement, vulnerability, honesty, and sheer determination to help ALL of us struggling through life to grow together & support each other!

can also drive you to gain incredible strength, perseverance, and grit.

One must come to a point where they take up the pack upon their back and have the responsibility to take things into their own hands Its similar to what Dave Ramsey said that as parents, we should raise good ADULTS, not good children. we should not care about their GPA but reward and punish them based on their character and how they treat and respect other people. If someone close to you in your life wants to be a piece of shit (it may or may not surprise you if they have done this already so any times in the past that you're already basically emotionally numb to it because of your expectations have crashed into oblivion several times before), focus on what YOU can do about it and RESPOND to the situation instead of reacting to it. Realize the breath of life that you can breath into situations to make things better and how you have to pull yourself up by the boot straps and the entire situation. Raise the ocean so that all the boats in the water rise.

you HAVE to hope that all things will turn out for the better, because if you don't, you're either saying God doesn't exist, or He isn't benevolent -- He isn't the perfect Father who is looking out for your every move and cradling you through putting you the harshest of battles for Your Own Good

you know exactly wtf this means, girl

have faith and find peace and refuge in His choice and in his choice.

on my way home right now from atlanta to orange county.... if you know anything about me in this time of my life this is probably one of the most anxiety-provoking, unsure, scary, alcohol-craving, worst/best episode to put myself in. I hope this time when I go home, How I've Changed SHOWS, I remain responsible not only in my studies but more importantly in my character, I remain awake spiritually and consiously, I don't emotionally fall apart I uphold responsibility to FEEL and validate everyone's humanity at home, like as if I loved them as much as my child, because I've never related to my close group that way and it's about time I do. Not only for laughs or adventure or good times or company, but to actually deeply love and appreciate them. and it should come out effortlessly nonverbally, if I am there in that state. I wish for us to talk, I wish a lot of things for us, to figure out how to come together again. Sigh. I guess for this Thanksgiving,...

Dear God, thank you for every adversity, stumbling block, set back, and block you put in my path. i don't want a cush life. I want to be pushed to my limits. you are helping me remember who I once was. I want to realize when too much strength is a weakness, and find beauty in others. I want to not judge off surface anatomy, I want to listen to people's stories closer. Much more than a cardio IV Litman stethoscope could ever do. I pray for you to continue making me stronger by breaking me down. Thank you. I actually do pray for a hard life, in a way that I always remember you... Proverbs 30 The Words of Agur 1 The words of Agur the son of Jakeh,  even  the prophecy: the man spake unto Ithiel, even unto Ithiel and Ucal, 2 Surely I  am  more brutish than  any  man, and have not the understanding of a man. 3 I neither learned wisdom, nor have the knowledge of the holy. 4 Who hath ascended up into heaven, or descended? who hath gath...

..... instead of all of these tens of thousands of radical ideas and ways to change yourself for the better and this and that and self help self improvement improve yourself to improve the world realize that its all a fake a world the blue pill and why not... why not take the red pill.... why not... why not... why not... ... why not ... just trust in God ? :) 

only obsess over how you treat other people. at the end of the day, that's really the only thing that can really take you anywhere. the intricacies of the deep workings within us are just.. programmed like that, not very... easy to explain but if you really focus on how you treat other people and how to better yourself and them, you can never go wrong, it is very hard to stay in that state, though, forreal.

-although sounding awful at first, fault, blame, and responsibility rolled in together is the only way to understand the full picture of what reality actually is. -donkey carrying a pack on him the size of a mountain load. --This thought process is the only way you can actually change the now and the future.

it's been a long... almost 3 weeks. break ups are hard. i've been waking up to my nightmare everyday, living with it, going through all the emotions and finding an extraordinary amount of music (old and new) to help me cope and describe all of the complex feelings constantly coursing through my veins ................ and what i've found is that once you accept that it's all your fault, you take responsibility for every action and virtually, ideally everything that has ever gone wrong in your life, you can start to live with reality and with yourself, on a much more deeper level than i have described or imagined previously. You just have to keep on living through these things. These painful, hurtful, challenging, makes-you-want-to-kill-yourself, impossible, how am i gonna get out of this, situations............... and as long as you're living, you're doing fine, as long as you're fighting, even if it doesn't look like you're winning, as long as your...

in regards to two both seemingly unrelated things, medical school and mistakes in relationships,, one can choose to live gracefully. how it looks like

Medical school will push you to your every limit, I've told people that time and time again and have heard it from several of my mentors in the medical field.

9/8 the craving

1. In order to have a happy life, you have to be in charge of creating your own happiness. 2. Decide. If you want to stay in a relationship, stay. If you want to get out, get out. 3. "Baby steps are still steps" 4. Learning to build beneficial habits is just as important as learning to break harmful habits. 5.