a touch of humanity

have faith and find peace and refuge in His choice and in his choice.

on my way home right now from atlanta to orange county.... if you know anything about me in this time of my life this is probably one of the most anxiety-provoking, unsure, scary, alcohol-craving, worst/best episode to put myself in. I hope this time when I go home, How I've Changed SHOWS, I remain responsible not only in my studies but more importantly in my character, I remain awake spiritually and consiously, I don't emotionally fall apart I uphold responsibility to FEEL and validate everyone's humanity at home, like as if I loved them as much as my child, because I've never related to my close group that way and it's about time I do. Not only for laughs or adventure or good times or company, but to actually deeply love and appreciate them. and it should come out effortlessly nonverbally, if I am there in that state. I wish for us to talk, I wish a lot of things for us, to figure out how to come together again. Sigh. I guess for this Thanksgiving,...

Dear God, thank you for every adversity, stumbling block, set back, and block you put in my path. i don't want a cush life. I want to be pushed to my limits. you are helping me remember who I once was. I want to realize when too much strength is a weakness, and find beauty in others. I want to not judge off surface anatomy, I want to listen to people's stories closer. Much more than a cardio IV Litman stethoscope could ever do. I pray for you to continue making me stronger by breaking me down. Thank you. I actually do pray for a hard life, in a way that I always remember you... Proverbs 30 The Words of Agur 1 The words of Agur the son of Jakeh,  even  the prophecy: the man spake unto Ithiel, even unto Ithiel and Ucal, 2 Surely I  am  more brutish than  any  man, and have not the understanding of a man. 3 I neither learned wisdom, nor have the knowledge of the holy. 4 Who hath ascended up into heaven, or descended? who hath gath...

..... instead of all of these tens of thousands of radical ideas and ways to change yourself for the better and this and that and self help self improvement improve yourself to improve the world realize that its all a fake a world the blue pill and why not... why not take the red pill.... why not... why not... why not... ... why not ... just trust in God ? :) 

only obsess over how you treat other people. at the end of the day, that's really the only thing that can really take you anywhere. the intricacies of the deep workings within us are just.. programmed like that, not very... easy to explain but if you really focus on how you treat other people and how to better yourself and them, you can never go wrong, it is very hard to stay in that state, though, forreal.